1. Journaling
Self-reflection is a great tool that we often don’t take the time to utilize, and journaling is a fantastic way to do that. Every morning or at night before bed, take 10 minutes to journal about your day, thoughts, feelings, the coworker who annoyed you, or that startup idea your friend mentioned. What are you excited about in your life right now? What goals and dreams have you always thought about but never put into action? The 10K that scares you, the job you feel unqualified to apply for, or the trip you’ve never taken? The key to this practice is to set that timer, put pen to paper, and don’t stop until it dings; whatever comes into your mind, just let it out. You may even discover something new about yourself.
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2. Nourish your body
Food is fuel, and if we want to feel good, we have to nourish our bodies with the best of it. Nourishing your body means listening to it, becoming more in tune with what it needs, and balancing pleasure and satisfaction with nourishment.
Whatever “nourish your body” means to you, choose one area you want to focus on and take small steps toward that healthy life that makes you feel good every day.
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3. Splurge on you
If your love language is gift giving, why not show love to yourself? Splurge on something that truly makes you feel confident, happier, or better. reduce your stress, give a gift to yourself that will truly make a difference.
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4. Try something new
The only way we grow is by getting outside of our comfort zone. This step may be the hardest step for you, but it could also be the most rewarding. Make a list of all the things you want to do “one day,” like skydiving, dining alone, starting your own business, taking a spin class, asking for a promotion, etc. Then, choose something from that list and do it. Don’t make excuses or put it off for the next month—sign up, make a reservation, do your research. Whatever it takes, go and do it. We often put off what we really want because of fear, and most of the time, we realize we had nothing to be afraid of. As Glennon Doyle always says, “We can do hard things,” and once you do one hard thing, all the others don’t seem so scary.
5. Practice saying “no”
While a large part of dating yourself involves trying new things and stepping outside of your comfort zone, it also means stepping into your power. By that, I mean learning to say “no” when you want to say no. Saying “yes” is easy a lot of the time. Especially as women, we feel this constant need to make everyone happy. While empathy and kindness are admirable and crucial traits, the problem is that making yourself happy ends up falling to the bottom of the list of priorities. We say “yes” to what we don’t really want, and it eats away at us, building up resentment and anger. So this year, let go of all that and say “no” to the plans you’d rather not attend, the people who drain your energy, and the coworker who pushes assignments off to you. Stand in your power, don’t apologize for it, and live a happier life because of it.
6. Make self-love a daily practice
This one may sound cliché and overused, but loving yourself isn’t. The end goal is a balanced life that allows you to feel fulfilled and happy, so to love yourself a little more this year, first, stop the brutal self-talk. You know the kind: The thoughts in your head that criticize you when you make a mistake or feel insecure. Instead, practice loving affirmations such as “I am good enough” or “I am smart enough.” Repeat them to yourself each morning, write them down, or get in the habit of saying them before a presentation or first date. Next, celebrate the little wins as well as the big ones. We’re always going from one activity to the next, forgetting to stop and take a step back to look at all we have accomplished. Celebrate those moments and recognize how far you’ve come.
Lastly, forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for forgetting the cereal at the grocery store, being late for work, the breakup, the failed test, and everything that weighs you down. Just let it go. You’re human, not a Fortune 500 company; you are allowed to mess up and move on. That’s what dating yourself is all about.
Love ❤️ yourself more
1. Get to know yourself
Yes, you’ve been with yourself every second since the day you were born, but how well do you really know who you are? Do you know what you love, what makes you happy, and what you want out of life? It’s impossible to love yourself if you don’t know yourself, so take some time to think about what you believe in, value, and like, and identify your strengths (particularly the ones that have gone unnoticed). Getting to know yourself also means being honest with yourself—insecurities can cause illusions or you might have some self-deception going on. But true love means honesty and responsibility in your other relationships, so work on self-awareness by no longer minimizing or making excuses so that you can fully accept your entire self.
2. Talk to yourself as a child
We have a constant inner dialogue that is either contributing to self-love or preventing it. As Michael Singer writes in The Untethered Soul, “There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind, you are the one who hears it.” In other words, you can change the way you see yourself by changing your inner dialogue. To speak to yourself kinder, try talking to yourself like a child. We’re often more forgiving, compassionate, and loving when we see ourselves as children rather than as our adult selves. You can even carry a childhood picture in your wallet or put a baby picture in a spot you need some more self-love, like the bathroom counter (if the negative self-talk comes when looking in the mirror) or at your desk (if you tend to be self-critical with your work).
3. Forgive yourself
A common setback of self-love is holding onto things we’ve done in the past. Maybe it was an embarrassing moment that haunts you to this day or maybe it was a serious mistake that you’re still letting define you. If you cheated in a relationship, got fired from a job, or can recall every single embarrassing moment since you were a kid, you might be holding onto evidence that you’re not lovable.
Instead, look at how you’ve changed since those past mistakes or embarrassing moments. Realize how even the worst moments have made you stronger, kinder, and better. Without a failed relationship, you wouldn’t be in your current one or wouldn’t know what you wanted in a relationship, and without being fired, maybe you wouldn’t have found a new passion or be where you are today. Bottom line: See yourself as a growing human being, not as a compilation of your past mistakes.
4. Treat yourself like you treat loved ones
It sounds cliché, but the most important relationship in your life really is the one you have with yourself. So why don’t you nurture that relationship like you do with your best friend, mom, or significant other? Self-love might be as simple as loving yourself in your love language. Make a list of all the ways you treat the people you love: Do you text them to check in? Do you surprise them, give them compliments, or wish them “goodnight” before you go to bed? However you treat the people you love should be the way you treat yourself too. Check-in with yourself, give compliments, treat yourself regularly, or look in the mirror and say “goodnight” before bed. As silly as it may feel at first, we all give love a certain way, and self-love isn’t any different.
5. Say “no” when you mean no
Boundaries let other people know that you expect respect, but more importantly, they let you know that you deserve respect. Saying “no” when you mean no means you’re putting your needs above others. Perhaps it’s the coworker who asks for help when you’re already swamped, the neighbor who needs a favor when you’re exhausted, or getting guilted into a holiday event you don’t feel comfortable attending. Every time you say “yes” when you want to say “no” puts other’s opinions and needs above your own, which builds more evidence that you’re not the priority. A “true yes,” or a “yes” that’s in line with your best interest, will make you excited without doubt or worry. Say “yes” when you mean yes and “no” when you mean no.
6. Care about nutrition
Maybe you don’t know a protein from a gram of fat and care more about convenience or taste than nutrients, or maybe you have some ingrained food rules that make you stressed out if you eat a slice of pizza or piece of cake. No matter what your current relationship with food is like, the food you eat should be an act of self-love. You know that old-school saying that you are what you eat? Well it is kind of true: Food serves as information that tells our bodies what to do. It’s not about “good foods” you’re supposed to eat versus “bad foods” you’re not supposed to eat; it’s about loving your body enough to nourish it with whatever makes it feel its best. After all, health is the best gift you could ever give to yourself. With that being said, pleasure is a nutrient too, so also treat yourself to the foods you love without guilt, shame, or deprivation.
7. …and that goes for nutrition off the plate as well
Just like your body feels bad after eating junk food, there is such a thing as junk food for the brain, and it makes your mind (and body) feel bad after consuming too. The shows you binge, the podcasts you listen to, and the books you read feed you just as much as leafy greens and chickpeas. Make sure you’re choosing the most nourishing options: Turn off the news, stop watching TV that feels like a waste of time, and read books that inspire you. P.S. That also goes for your Instagram feed: Unfollow or mute anyone who doesn’t make you feel inspired, encouraged, or happy. Overall, be more conscious and choosy with every way you’re nourishing your body.
8. Play more
Take a play evaluation right now: When’s the last time you did anything just for fun? How do you spend your free time alone that isn’t bingeing Netflix? If it’s difficult (or impossible) for you to think of an answer, your very stressful adult life has likely taken precedence over a very important aspect of life: having fun. Lack of self-love or constant self-judgment might be just because you’re taking life too seriously. Incorporate regular “playtime” in your life by turning on music and dancing, doing something creative like coloring, or going to your local jungle gym and going on the monkey bars (bonus points that it doubles as a workout!). If you feel silly “playing,” that’s even more reason to do just that.
9. Keep promises to yourself
People often think that once they lose weight, get a killer job, or find a solid relationship, thenthey’ll feel happy. But self-love is not conditional; it’s a skill you achieve with practice. And how do you practice? You keep promises to yourself. Confidence just means that you trust your word: When you say you’re going to do something, you do it. That means cooking dinner instead of getting takeout, waking up for that morning workout, and not going back to your ex (actually—we’ve all been there). Keep in mind that following through with what you plan on doing is worth more than just achieving what you want—it’s building confidence and self-trust, which translate into self-love.
10. Become more “you”
We spend so much of our lives trying to be accepted, prove ourselves to other people, and blend in that sometimes we stop prioritizing our truest self. Many of us still have the middle-school mentality that if we’re loved by others, then we’ll love ourselves, so we try to fit in or seek acceptance. In reality, we only love ourselves when our actions align with who we really are. Our purpose in life is just to become more of who we are.
Make a list of your qualities, likes, strengths, and passions (see: #1). Then, become more of that, unapologetically. Get rid of the activities or traits that don’t feel true to you and fill up the empty space with more you-ness. For example, find out what makes you feel alive, and then do it more often, or pick out your truest personality traits (quirky? Compassionate? Hilarious?) and bring them into work life, relationships, and the time you spend alone. Every work goal, wellness intention, and daily schedule should support becoming more of who you really are.
Grateful 